I can’t begin to tell you how nourished my soul feels after having been to the ocean twice in one week. I LOVE the beach: the ocean, the sand, sites & sounds; I love it all. On Saturday we went as a family, this is something we haven’t done in years 1) because Billy hates the beach and 2) because Emily is such a wild card, it went well. On Monday I took Emily, by myself, all alone and it was a wonderful time for us. I would live at the beach and my fantasy life often revolves around living on the beach and just taking her in every single day.
Having said the above, I am fragmented and completely out of shape both in body and soul. The things I once loved to do I have stopped for fear that Emily will act out. I claim I don’t have time or can’t fit things in but the truth is that I have plenty of free time, too much. The day that Emily and I spent on that beach I vowed to put an end to this all and to take steps in reclaiming the person I once was; I miss her.
I need to find center again.